10. A set of grill tools
This item makes the list, not because it is a bad gift, but because any self-respecting BBQ guy will already have a set of tools that he has hand selected to perform the tasks that are required. I want to save you the embarrassment of buying a gift that he will, no doubt, have to take back to Wal-Mart.
9. An apron
Women and chefs wear aprons in the kitchen. A BBQ guy wipes his hands on his shirt. Usually, this is the shirt you got him last year that he did not like. One exception is the black leather “apron” as this adds a touch of cool.
8. The New York City video guide to grilling BBQ on a balcony
People who live in NYC don’t get BBQ. It’s not their fault but, as the video title suggests, they have too many things going against them. This video is going to try to tell you that good BBQ can be made in a grill. It can’t.
7. Oven mitts
BBQ is made in pits and not in ovens therefore this is a useless and, dare I say, insulting gift. If the BBQ guy you know requested these you may need to do an unannounced inspection the next time he is claiming to be smoking something.
6. A beginner’s book about “BBQ” grilling that has recipes like smoke grilled tofu with capers in an avocado hollandaise sauce
BBQ is about smoking meat over woods coals at low temperatures. The BBQ guy will already know this and will feel a civic duty to inform you that grilling is NOT BBQing. However, books like Smoke and Spice by the Jamison’s is perfectly fine as these books acknowledge the true nature of BBQ.
5. Anything from Food network (Alton Brown is an exception)
Food network has too many people that have uttered the line “Although BBQ is normally made in a pit, you can make just as good BBQ at home in your oven or grill”. See 8 and 7 above.
4. Tickets to a cooking class
Cooking classes are often run by chefs. These folks are trained in cities and tend to have a philosophy that traditional cooking methods must be “perfected” with the introduction of things like charcoal and lighter fluid. They don’t get out much. Giving a BBQ guy these tickets will ruin his cooking (if he actually goes).
3. An ECB propane fired upright water “smoker”
Giving this gift has been known to turn many to the dark side. Lured by the ease and speed of this device, they will be convinced that they are now creating real BBQ faster. Nothing can be further from the truth. Not only will it rob them of the joys of learning a traditional cooking method they will produce disappointing results lacking the flavor real wood provides. However, I do hear scrap metal is selling pretty well these days.
2. A bottle of commercial sauce off QVC
There are many good bottled sauces on the market but they are not made by Kraft or Sonny’s and do not contain High Fructose Corn Syrup. If you want to get sauce for a BBQ guy, find out where he eats BBQ, when he is not making it himself, and get a bottle from there. Or, better yet, take him with you and buy him lunch and the sauce.
1. Bag of MatchLight
While you’re at it, just put the whole bag in his stocking. You are sending the same message.